Fuck Yeah Supermarket

Elroy was up in this bitch shopping for some motherfucking groceries. Because he's a man, and he's on his own, and he DOES this kind of thing. He was off in the produce section, looking at some cucumbers, the manliest vegetable there was.

"Oh my God!"

A middle aged man stood across from Elroy. His round face with his nonexistent jaw had gone slack with acne scars littered about, and his dull blue eyes were bugging out. He looked as though he couldn't be more surprised even if Jesus had appeared before him with revelations.

The man pointed at him with a shaking finger, and he was beginning to sweat through his black Legend of Zelda T-shirt.

"You, you..." he stuttered.

Elroy stood there, nonchalant as ever, an eggplant in hand. He stared back at the man, an eyebrow cocked, and waited for him to say what it was he was planning to say.

The man just kept pointing at him, still looking shocked. But, he finally got a hold of himself, and he wailed out:

"YOU LOOK LIKE AN ADULT PHOENIX WRIGHT WITHOUT A SUIT ON!" and everyone in hearing distance turned to stare at the pair of them.

Slowly, he set the eggplant back in the crate. "... Alright, then..." he said, raising his hands slightly in case this wild pig of a man decided to charge.

"Do you cosplay?" The man decided to know, as he nervously adjusted his thick rimmed glasses.

"Do I... what?"

"Cosplay." The man grabbed Elroy's arm, without any fear. "Come on, you'll have to come visit me someday, and I'll introduce it to you. You'll love it."

Elroy yanked his arm away. "Alright, look. I don't want any trouble." His hand went into his pocket, instinctively searching for his wand, in spite of the fact that he'd quit carrying it around in muggle territory just after the time Irene had left him. "Just leave me alone."

"Oh wow! Are you a fan of the Lord of the Rings too?!" the man gasped.

"You can't always get what you waaant.."

They should just shut off that stupid grocery store shopping music. It should just.. go away. Oh, look, a gay couple. That's nice. Serenity thought, while putting some apples in her cart.

"Oh my God, Elroy?!" She exclaimed, starting to laugh at the pair of them.

"What? No, just go away," he commanded with a bit more force.

"You have a very lovely wife!" The man exclaimed.

"We aren't married!" Serenity said, rather sharply. "Anymore. We got a divorce. Elroy, uh, who's this?" She asked, trying not to burst out laughing.

Oh, great. Of all those he could have run into... "I don't know," he answered. "Look, pal, I'll call security on you. Back off."

"No means yes." Serenity encouraged, smirking. "This supermarket's security is an old man named Manny. Do you need some help?"

The man looked afraid now. "I-I was just asking you a question!" He took a couple of steps back, while shaking. "I should have just stayed home and played .flow today..."

"No, you should stay!" Serenity said, raising her voice. "You should bother Elroy to hell. You know why? I'll tell you why." Oh no. Here she went. "Because he screwed every secretary in London when we were married! He never came home on time, he didn't go to one of Dianna's stupid recitals, and he didn't even have a good job! I made all the money, you know!"

The man turned to Elroy, and stared at him.

"Wow... even I'm a better husband than you." he said, in a very grave voice.

Elroy should have stayed home that day. "You're a bitch, Serenity," he said, turning away from them both, grabbing the eggplant he'd been handling earlier, dropping it in his shopping bag and leaving them both behind.

"Alright, walk away! You're quite good at that, aren't you?" She yelled.

"I'm not a bitch, am I?"

"No, you're not." The man patted her arm. "You're just in pain, that's all. Mourning." He could be quite sentimental when he wanted to be.

[It's Giver]

"We divorced a whole year ago. He said he never loved me." Serenity said, on the verge of tears. "You know, he's the twin brother of the first guy I ever was in love with? I was eleven, but then when we graduated he killed this guy.." And there she went, telling her life story to this complete stranger.
"Now I'm dating this total loser!"

"Why don't you just dump him, then? And go on eHarmony? That's where I found my wife, and we're quite happy together." The man suggested to her.